For All You Lettuce Lovers Out There

    The other day I was in my local supermarket when I spotted a lady giving out free samples of food. Now, I appreciate a free appetizer because I love to eat. I delight in the comfort you get when you bite into a hearty chunk of fresh-baked bread or the rich, creaminess of a piece of good chocolate as it melts in your mouth. And free nibbles are the best. You get to experience new flavours without the having to pay for something you might not like. 

    So being the orally fixated person that I am, I headed on over to the display table to discover that the only thing on offer was lettuce. Try and understand my disappointment, it was lettuce for goodness sake.

    “Would you like to try some?” the hostess asked politely. 

    I should have been just as gracious but I wasn’t. “Lettuce? Seriously, you’re giving out samples of lettuce,” I cried.

    “It’s a new (Insert fancy name here) lettuce. Won’t you try some?” 

     Now, I have to tell you, I was shocked; in fact, I was so shocked I
blurted out one of my deepest, darkest secrets. “I don’t like lettuce.” 

    The lady clucked her tongue and shook her head in what I can only assume was disapproval. “Leafy greens are good for you.”

    At that point I had the good sense to beat a hasty retreat. I’m a grown person, I know the stuff’s good for me, but to me it tastes like poison. If you’re trying to kill me sneak some lettuce into my food.

    There is a reason I’ve kept my dislike of the leafy green stuff a secret, and that’s because people are so appalled by it. I don’t know why. I exercise, watch what I eat, and my BMI is in the healthy range. So why should it matter? Since when did your choice in food make you a social pariah? To be honest I have no idea but I do know that to me it tastes like sour grass. I know, because I tried eating grass as a child. (I tried eating dirt too but that’s another story for another day.) It’s not as if I told anyone their baby was ugly, or pointed rudely at someone because they’re different. I just don’t like lettuce, and am astounded that people are so taken aback by this.
 
     I say it’s time to accept people who are taste bud impaired. Do you have any dislikes that make people look at you as if you’ve turned green and sprouted an extra head? If so I’d love to hear about them.

Here is comedian John Pinette’s take on salad. It’s a short clip only one minute, and thirty-one seconds in length. I hope you enjoy it.